Once I Hold on
by notyouraveragevampy
Summary: SPOILER ALERT! IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE MANGA OR SEEN THE COMPLETE ANIME... A Zeki fic that explores what would happen had Yuuki not been awakened by Kaname. Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Knight.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I do not own Vampire Knight but I do own this story as afan created work of fiction. This is a Zero and Yuuki fic in which it follows the Manga time line until a certain point. I hope you enjoy! **

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**Chapter One: The Truth**

His pale amethyst eyes bore holes through my skin into my very soul. I was puzzled by his actions and the suddenness of his words left me speechless. My heartbeat was pounding in my ears, I couldn't think straight. I thought I knew him better than this but for his feelings to go entirely unnoticed must have been causing him so much pain. But his words awoke something inside of me that even though I had never realized it, it had been there all this time.

I felt my heartbeat return to normal and a sense of peace settle over me. I reached out to him and gently pulled him into a tight hug. "You are my everything and you always will be Zero."

**A few days earlier...**

"Man is Zero skipping again?" I sighed dramatically whilst wandering the grounds of Cross Academy on our daily night patrol. "He always leaves me with all the work."

"Good evening Yuuki."The sudden sound of Kaname's voice startled me, earning a slight laugh from the pureblood.

"Oh good evening Kaname. Are classes over for tonight?" I asked.

"Yes. I was on my way to see the headmaster to discuss some important business." His mahogany eyes held mine, his terrifying gaze sent a chill down my spine.

"Well I won't keep you. Have a nice evening Kaname-sama." I gave him a small smile and headed off in the opposite direction of the headmaster's office not giving him a chance to respond. All the while feeling his gaze follow me until I disappeared behind the corner of the main building where all the classes are held.

I was so focused getting as far away from Kaname that I didn't notice Zero standing on the other side of the corner that I ran smack dab into him; knocking us both over.

"Ugh. Get off. You're heavy." Zero muttered.

"Like you're one to talk. This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't been skipping out on you guardian duties." I emphasized my point by sticking my tongue out at him before moving off of him.

"Keep sticking that out and I'm gonna bite it off." He growled and bit the air in my direction. "What the hell were you running from anyway?"

"Nothing. I was looking for you."

"Then why did you look so scared." Zero's normally cold stare turned gentle and almost worried.

"Really, its nothing. You don't have to worry about it, okay?" I smiled an lifted my hand to ruffle his incredibly soft silver hair.

He caught my hand in his and held it gently to his cold cheek. "You don't want me to worry about you, Yuuki." The look in his eyes held so much sadness that I felt my heart breaking.

"Zero. . ."

His grip loosened and he dropped my hand, turning from me, he walked in the direction of his dorm; leaving me standing there chilled by the loss of his presence and confused with the reason for the look in his eyes. I wrapped my arms around myself, tried to shrug it off and headed for my own dorm.

**Next Morning. **

I awoke to the sound of birds chirping on the bare tree outside of my window. The reality that the term was over everyone would be leaving for the next few weeks brought a smile to my face. Maybe now I could get a full nights sleep. I stretched and dragged myself from my bed, the headmaster would have breakfast ready and boy was I hungry.

I met Zero on my way to the headmaster's building, the look that flashed across his face was unreadable before he quickly corrected it to his preferred expression of extreme boredom.

"Good Morning Zero." I chirped, suddenly nervous around him after his behavior last night.

"Morning." We walked silently to the headmaster's building together; he seemed unaffected by last night so it probably didn't mean anything. And then there was Kaname, the look in his eyes last night...sent chills down my spine and brought goosebumps across my skin. I never had a reason to be scared of him before. I mean he was the one who saved me all those years ago but lately the look in his eyes has chilled me down to the bone. His expression reminded me of how a wolf would gaze at a rabbit just before pouncing to devour it.

I shook the thought from my mind as we walked through the doors of the headmaster's building; I didn't want to make the headmaster question me like Zero was last night. "Good Morning Headmaster!" I called into the kitchen.

My overzealous headmaster poked his head around the corner with tears streaming from his eyes, "It's Father..."

The three of us ate breakfast quietly; the headmaster informed us that he would be leaving for the next few days for some errands, with nearly all the students away from campus, we should be able to handle things. I wandered into the hall near the headmaster's guest room. My mind wandering from the look in Kaname's eyes, to the expression on Zero's face last night, and it lingered on the missing pieces of my past.

I heard Zero's footfalls as he approached the spot where I stood, staring out the window. His silence was comforting as he stood there next to me, waiting for me to talk to him about what had been on my mind.

"I've got so much. All this time I've had you, Yori, the headmaster, and Kaname too. I thought that as long as I could be indispensable to you, be your only ally, that it wouldn't matter if I didn't have my own past." I let myself sneak a peek at Zero through my bangs; finding him watching me with that rare but gentle look in his eyes, I decided to continue. "You asked but I didn't really answer last night, I uh ran into Kaname last night while he was on his way to the headmaster. The look he gave me... Was the look of a starving wolf before he devours the unsuspecting rabbit."

Zero's eyes flashed angrily and in that moment I was glad that Kaname was far from campus. Seeing me startled he closed his eyes and took a deep breath; trying to keep his murderous gaze under control.

"I know that he had something to do with my missing past, but he's hiding it and somehow, I think the headmaster knows as well. Kaname said that he needed to discuss something important with the headmaster last night and now with him needing to run some urgent errands..."

"Yuuki. If you want to know then you should just ask them. At least the headmaster is a bad liar so you should probably ask him first." Zero's expression turned gentle, giving me a little smile before turning to leave. My heart ached as I watched him leave the building and head in the direction of his dorm room.

I wandered aimlessly through the campus for the rest of the day, not once running into another person. As the sun was setting I made my way back to the headmaster's quarters; I didn't want to stay in my dorm, it was far too empty; nearly everyone that was important to me was gone.

When I entered the section of the headmaster's quarters the most amazing of smells hit me, ginger pork stir fry; making me realize how hungry I was. I tip-toed into the kitchen to see who was cooking only to find Zero's back blocking my view of the stove.

"Dinner is almost ready, can you get some plates down for me?" I nodded silently and smiled, moving to the cupboard where they were kept. Finding them on the highest shelf, I silently cursed the headmaster for making me have to climb up onto the counter just to reach them.

I hastily grabbed two plates and looked back to make sure that I was clear to hop down. The room blurred and splotches of blood suddenly appeared on the plain white plates I was holding. I shrieked and threw the plates on the counter; the movement causing me to lose my balance and tumble backwards.

My heart stopped when I started falling, I was sure that I would hit the floor until I collided with a solid but much softer surface before reaching the floor. I spun around much too fast, making the room spin. I put my hands on my temples and willed the room to be still.

"If they were too high, you could have said something." Zero scoffed and stood. "Well those are broken, I'll get some... Hey are you okay?" He kneeled next to where I sat on the floor with my hands on my head.

I gave him my best smile and stood up, making vertigo kick in. "I'm just dizzy. I'm okay, I just moved too fast."

"Stupid. Don't move so fast next time." His playful smirk plastered on his face. "Just sit down. I'll finish up."

We ate in silence and Zero insisted on cleaning up, so I decided to take a bath. I soaked for a long while; thinking about the splotches of blood and the secrets that Kaname and the headmaster were keeping about me. A voice inside me told me what I already knew that I had to do. I would go look through the paperwork that the headmaster keeps to find some clues. Somehow I knew that I would.

After my bath I laid in bed for a while, trying to build up the courage to snoop through his things and if I could face the truth if I found it. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and ran to the headmaster's office before I could chicken out. I will not remain the child that is forgiven for not knowing anything.

I glanced at the clock in his office, it was barely 3am, no wonder I couldn't sleep. Walking over to his desk, each step made a sense of dread well up in the pit of my stomach. I dug through a couple of his drawers until I found a letter addressed to Kaien Cross, and from a woman named Juri.

My heart sank and tears clouded my vision as I read the letter that mentioned me by name only once but in my heart I knew that it was about me. I threw the letter onto the bare desk top and just cried.

The sun was just peeking over the horizon when Zero burst into the office with a panicked expression on his face. My red and puffy eyes followed him as he moved over to where I sat in the headmaster's chair and pulled me into a tight hug that pulled my mind away from the letter and focused on Zero. "Zero. What's wrong?"

"I'm so glad you're alive. I thought I had killed you..."

I put my hands on his cheeks and made him look me in the eye. "Zero, are you okay? "

"Yeah." His expression calmed and he closed his eyes; placing his hand over mine and leaning into the warmth of my hands. He sighed deeply, inhaling my scent, and opened his eyes, now finally seeing the tear stains on my cheeks and my puffy, red eyes. "Yuuki, why were you crying?"

I couldn't speak, I just clenched my eyes tightly shut as tears threatened to fall again and pointed a shaky finger at the letter.

"This...is from your mother... Protect my Yuuki... from that Monster Kuran?" Zero's eyes flashed with hatred and he handed me the letter. "Yuuki, I don't know what I am to on you but I swear that I will protect you from that Monster. No matter what it costs me."

His pale amethyst eyes bore holes through my skin into my very soul. I was puzzled by his actions and the suddenness of his words left me speechless. My heartbeat was pounding in my ears, I couldn't think straight. I thought I knew him better than this but for his feelings to go entirely unnoticed must have been causing him so much pain. But his words awoke something inside of me that even though I had never realized it, it had been there all this time.

I felt my heartbeat return to normal and a sense of peace settle over me. I reached out to him and gently pulled him into a tight hug. "You are my everything and you always will be Zero."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I do not own Vampire Knight but I do own this story as a created work of fiction. **

**Chapter 2: Our Beginning**

The peace that had settled over me stirred up into determination; I didn't want to run away, but I didn't want to stay in a place where everyone but me was pulling the strings and determining my future as if I was some kind of marionette doll. "Zero... I want to leave..." I whispered, my eyes focusing on the rising sun.

"Sure, we can go wherever, we don't have to stay in here." He stood up and offered his hand to on help me up.

"No... Zero..." I stood and looked him in the eye. "I don't want to stay at this Academy. Not with the people who are using me."

I felt him shift under my gaze and could see the gears turning as he pondered my words. "When?"

"As soon as possible..." My voice coming out as barely a whisper.

He gave a sharp nod, "Get ready. I'll come by your dorm to get you when I'm done."

I gave him an uneasy smile and nodded; both of us heading our separate ways to prepare. I walked into my dorm room, dressing quickly in a pair of jeans and a plain navy blue sweater, I grabbed the suitcase that I would use the times we went on vacation and stuffed it with a few necessary items.

I was lacing up my boots when there was a knock at my door. Zero called from the other side of the door, "Are you ready?"

I opened the door with my small suitcase in hand. Zero's expression was unreadable but his eyes held more determination then I had ever seen before. I gave Zero a small smile and motioned for us to be on our way.

Zero led us through town and to the train station that lingered on the outskirts; I let him buy the tickets, I didn't want to know where we were going, I just wanted to get far away from Cross Academy. I looked up at the Academy in the distance, sitting on its quaint little hilltop. I spent many years there... many happy years but now after learning that it had all been a lie... no not all of it was a lie. I watched Zero as he handed money to the cashier and got our tickets; yes he had hid things from me but he has always been there.

We boarded the train together in silence; as I settled down into our seat fatigue started to catch up to me. "Get some rest Yuuki. It will be a while before we arrive." Zero's words were soft, merging with my dream state as I drifted into the most peaceful sleep I had in ages.

**Zero**

I watched Yuuki's eyes drift shut and her body relax, everything was happening so quickly, it was almost hard to believe that it was truly happening. Why had the chairman gone against Yuuki's moms wishes and allowed Kuran to become so close to her? Since the death of his parents, Kaname was the last of the Kuran family so there was no chance of her mother meaning anyone else, right? What if the reason Kaname was there that night was because he had murdered Yuuki's parents but for some reason didn't kill Yuuki. Man how am I supposed to know why a pureblood does anything. Filthy creatures do nothing but toy with people.

A slight snarl escaped my lips as the image of that womans face filled my mind again. I never got my chance to kill her, Hio; the arrogant pureblood that toyed with my brother and I in a blood bath. Though I suppose I should be happy that she died, even if I wasn't the one that killed her.

The train jarred and swayed, causing Yuuki to slide in her seat and rest her head on my shoulder. "I will protect you. I promise." I whispered, finally letting myself relax and enjoy the rest of the train ride.

**Yuuki**

I felt my dreams slip away as Zero gently shook me awake. We exited the train and made our way into a city that seemed very unfamiliar to me but Zero seemed to know where we were going. As we walked down the main street, all eyes were upon us. It made me uneasy the way each person stared as we walked briskly through the streets. I reached out and took hold of the sleeve of his jacket, "Zero..."

"Its okay Yuuki. They aren't staring at you." He met the eyes of an older man that was openly gawking at Zero. "Its okay, we're almost there." Zero walked another twenty feet and turned to a narrow apartment building that seemed to be squashed between the two neighboring buildings.

The inside was dimly lit with a single door on the right and a staircase on the left. Zero led us up each landing until we reached the top and third floor. I was surprised that the door was unlocked, a key sitting on a small side table next to the door. The apartment was bleak and lacking of any personal items; it was a studio apartment, only a single door which I assumed led to a bathroom.

"Its not much but its all I could get on such a short notice. Um.. You can have the bed, I'll take the couch." Zero gestured to the tiny apartment with a slight blush on his face.

"Zero... how..." I started.

"Its an arrangement with the Hunter Association. I'll be working for them full time and in exchange, they let me have one of their employee apartments and they'll also pay me so you don't need to worry." A small smile graced his otherwise sullen features.

"Thank you... Zero..." I shuffled my feet. "Thank you for everything."

He nodded sharply and told me that he needed to run some errands and that I should stay here and rest until he got back. I nodded and gave him a small smile as he grabbed the key and headed out the door; locking it behind him. I looked around at the bleak studio and sighed. I was tired so I might as well get some rest like he said. I made my way to the bed, curled up under the thin blanket and fell in to a fitfull sleep.

I woke with a start when a cold hand suddenly touched my face; reflexively jumping back away from the source of the touch. I felt me heart settle when I realized the hand belonged to Zero; his amethyst eyes full of concern. "I'm okay. Just had a weird dream." I gave him an uneasy smile.

"Yuuki... Its okay if you don't want to talk to me about it. But please don't force yourself to smile for my sake. Okay?" His eyes never left mine as my smile fell; how is it that this man in front of me is able to see through my eyes into my soul? I wrapped my arms around his neck and let a few silent tears fall as I hugged him tight. I felt his surprise from my sudden embrace then slowly wrap his arms around my slender frame, holding me tight to him and resting his head on top of mine.

"My dream... a hand spattered with blood... it kept reaching out as if it was trying to grab hold of me..." I whispered into his chest.

"Yuuki..."

I tilted my head so I could see Zero's face only to meet his eyes for the briefest of seconds before he brought his lips down onto mine ever so gently; causing any thought that didn't involve Zero to disappear from my mind. I may be unsure of what the future will hold but there was one thing I knew for sure; this is our beginning.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Deafening Silence**

**Zero**

The days droned on; each day I sat in this bland office filing reports for the hunters, the only job they would give me until a suitable mission came to me. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair; it had been two weeks since we left the Academy and Yuuki and I had fallen into a routine. The kiss we shared the day we arrived had sealed our relationship; each night she would curl up against my chest to sleep and though I wished for more than sleep, I would never force anything upon her that she wasn't ready for. It is enough to have her in my arms. It was so selfish to want her when I knew I didn't deserve the warmth she gave me but I just couldn't bring myself to push her away when I was so undeniably drawn to her.

I wished the day would be over with already; these twelve hour shifts of nothing but paper work was driving me absolutely insane, as it was only eight hours have gone by today. I was ready to be back in her arms.

As soon as I opened the door to our apartment I knew something was wrong. The only sounds that filled the small studio was the faint rustles of bed sheets and low whimpers that came from Yuuki as she tossed and turned in the bed; her hands held to her head and her face contorted in pain.

I knelt to the bed, searching for any sign that she was awake; upon finding none, I shook her, gently at first. "Yuuki! Yuuki!" Panic and dread boiled in my chest as I shook her again, harder this time, and still getting no response.

"Yuuki!" I shouted again, fear clouding every inch of my being. Her eyes shot open but only stared straight in front of her, as if she was still sleeping but with her eyes open. Her eyes widened in fear and a piercing scream escaped her throat; she never looked at me, or even acknowledged I was there. Some thing was tormenting her, and as much as I wanted, I could do nothing but be useless... again...

I took her hand into my own as her voice continued to shatter the air around us; her thrashing increased but I refused to let go of her hand. Even if she felt alone in her torment in the world of her dreams, I would never let her be alone in this world.

The night drifted on in this fashion, her screams soon faded into sobs and her eyes drifted closed but still she did not waken. Outside the sky was greying as the sun began rising to signal the start of yet another day. As the sun peeked over the horizon a thought struck me, something is wrong with Yuuki and even though I am here for her, there is nothing I can do for her.

"Yuuki, I'm sorry. I'll be right back." I kissed her forehead and bolted for the door and down the stairs to the first floor where I had noticed the buildings phone on my way to work in the days prior. I sighed, dialed a familiar number and waited for the other line to pick up.

"Hello? Cross Academy Headmast here." A sleepy voice announced and it was clear that he was stifling a yawn.

"Kaien."

"Oh! Zero!" The speaker crackled at the sudden impact of his excitment. "You left without any-"

"Kaien, please save the lecture. I... I need your help. Something... is wrong with Yuuki." My voice cracked and tears threatened to fall as silence filled the line wit his pause.

The headmaster sighed and groaned slightly. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

"But how-" I started.

"Yagari. He learned that you were in town." His tone was easy but not without a hint of disappointment.

"Thank you..." He hummed his goodbye and the line disconnected. Placing the phone back on its reciever I ran my hands through my hair, I didn't want to call him but there was nothing else I could do. As for now, I just needed to sit by her side until Kaien got here, surely he will know what to do.

I ran back to the room and rushed to Yuuki's side. Upon finding her sobing hard again I attempted to grab her hand but she had tangled it into her hair and locked her knuckles tight. The expression held such pain that I could feel my heart break and my resolve grow stronger. One by one I pried her fingers from her hair and slipped my hands into hers; although she was no longer pulling on her hair, she held my hands firm to her head. It felt as if her hand were as cold as ice, even though the room was warm. Please Kaien, hurry.

Time slowly trickled by until finally a soft knock sounded on our door but before I could call them in, Kaien opened the door. I felt the presence before I saw him and instantly my fangs grew and my eyes faded to crimson. I dislodged my hands from Yuuki's grip and instantly reached to the shoulder holster under my jacket where I kept my Bloody Rose.

I felt my body spin and slam into the wall next to the bed as I drew my gun, pointed it directly at the monsters' head. "You really are quite the anomaly. Vampires should respect and fear purebloods by instinct yet you bare your fangs without reserve and then on top of everything you ran off with my girl. It's your fault that she's in this state. I would have awoken her without pain. All you do is cause her to suffer, you ungrateful... level E." Kaname accented his venomous words by digging his talon like fingernails into my throat, puncturing the flesh.

"How dare you blame me. You're the vile creature, the monster her mother asked Kaien to protect her from! You're just an arrogant pureblood that does nothing but toy with others for you own entertainment!" I yelled back the best I could though I could feel him starting to crush my windpipe.

A devious smile crept on his face. "You can't sense it yet." Amusement filled his features, "Foolish boy. Yuuki is the pureblooded daughter of Haruka and Juri Kuran but she is also my younger sister." He laughed deeply, clearly enjoying the horror and disbelief that played out across my features. "She was the child that was born to become my wife." He sneered and released his hold on me but no matter what I did, I could only watch in disbelief as Kuran knelt down next to the bed where Yuuki lay sobbing and pulling at the roots of her hair.

He examined her briefly and kissed her forehead. "Please Yuuki, no more struggling. You need to wake up...before you go mad." He whispered softly to her but in the silent room he may as well of yelled it. Wait... silent... Kaname moved back from where he kissed her head and sure enough she had stopped sobbing; now sleeping peacefully.

Kaname turned to me, the earlier malice barely visible in his wine colored eyes. " The monster the Juri had been refering to is Yuuki's Uncle. Rido Kuran. He has already made his move; he is coming for her and he won't stop until he devour's her entirely. If you're really serious about protecting her, you'll need my help."

"Why would I do anything that would benefit you?" I scoffed, letting the anger flow off me in waves.

"Because you will never betray her. Surely you would't care to watch as the life in Yuuki's eyes drains as Rido devours her." He knew he had won; I could put up as much of a front as I wanted but it would't matter. The self-satisfied look Kuran wore told me as much. "Cross, I would appreciate it if you could take Yuuki to the Association Headquarters and place her under quarentine. Should she awaken fully, she may be dangerous; I don't know what her mental state will be."

"Of course Kaname."

"Zero come. We need to take care of the pest soon."

**Thank you to those who have read and have decided to follow this story. You are my motivation to keep writing. Reviews are welcome. I hope I don't disappoint.**

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	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Instability**

**Yuuki**

The world was envoloped in darkness. It was if I had fallen into a permanent sleep, destined to never wake. I could feel my eyes as I opened them again and again but no matter how many times I repeated the process, the world remained sealed off from me. Voices in the distance seemed to be saying something but it was muffled like I had been submerged under water.

_You're always like this. _A clear and condescending female voice resounded through the dark prison of my mind. _Always hurting those who try to protect you. You ruin the lives of everyone around you._

I felt the screams tear from my throat; the voice, make it stop. Please somebody make it stop. My head throbbed and my throat strained under the constant scream that must have pierced the air around me, wherever I actually was. It felt like I was lying down but the world started spinning and without my vision I had no idea were I was. Was I still in the apartment? I tried to visualize just what the apartment looked out, bland and bleak but instead of seeing myself lying on the bed the image of Zero slowly came into focus on the bed; blood splattered across the alabaster skin of his bare chest. _You killed him. You will always kill him. Over and over again with your insecurities. _

The image fades from my mind and I feel my screams turn to sobs. I want to wake up. I want to go to Zero. My body feels cold. Frozen as if I was encased in ice. Warmth builds in my hands. I wonder if Zero is holding them. The warmth disappears and I can't tell how much time has passed.

Images flood into my mind triggered from the change within. A windowless basement. The gentle hands of a mother as she pulled me away from what looks like a young Kaname. Juri, my mother, thanking Kaname for taking care of her Yuuki before giving her life to seal me. My father said he'd protect me from the bad people and he left. They were both such strong people. Why did they have to die. My childhood. I spent it with Kaname. My brother... _They died because of you. Everyone you love will die because of you!_

No! I screamed to the voice in my mind. Voices again resounded outside my prison. Muffled but I think Zero was yelling at someone. But who?

'Please Yuuki, no more struggling. You need to wake up...before you go mad.' Kaname's voice penetrated the barrier that kept me from the waking world. I felt the pain in my head ease and soon fell into a dreamless sleep.

I awoke on a cold stone floor; every part of me felt like I had been encased in ice except my throat which seemed to be kindling a major fire. I am so thirsty...so very thirsty... I leaned up to get a better look at my surroundings when a curtain of hair swung into my face. My hair had grown more than double the length in the time I slept, however long that had been. The entire room was lit up like high noon but the only source of light was a simple candle holder near a steel door.

Reality came crashing down for the first time; I was a pureblood vampire, the very monster that Zero despises. I was born to Haruka and Juri Kuran; Kaname's little sister and intended wife. But worse of all, I had no idea where I even was and all I wanted to do was see Zero. My body yearned for him in ways that I had never felt before; possibly this is what Zero felt in his moments of bloodlust when all he desired was my blood.

My life as a human is over. Will Zero even let me be near him anymore. And what of Kaname; will he expect me to just bend to his will? No. I will never be a pawn for him to play with. But where are they? Where am I? This place feels familiar but I can't place it. There's a buzzing inside my head and it sounds like electricity. Now footfalls that stop just outside the door. A male. Too heavy to be female.

I sniff the air, the scent is familiar but it is a bit different. The door scrapes the stone floor as it slides open. Zero stands in the door way but something is different. Power radiates from him in waves.

**Zero**

It had been three days, three whole days and even though the chairman told me this was Yuuki's cell, I barely recognized the creature in front of me. Her once short hair flowed in waves around her; sticking up in odd places. A frightened yet starved look clouded her once gentle eyes with the deepest of crimson as if her eyes were made entirely of blood. Her crouched posture completed the wild and unstable animal look that had claimed my once sweet Yuuki.

The creature gently sniffed the air around her and her pale and cracked lips quivered in anticapation. She moved slowly towards me; moving on all fours as if testing to see if I would react. I took a step towards her and swung the heavy door shut with ease, sealing myself in here with one of the most dangerous of creatures; a starving, scared, and possibly insane pureblood vampire.

At my movements she halted her approach and regarded me with curious eyes. "Yuuki." I whispered, hoping beyond hope that even a shred of sanity remained. She tilted her head slightly and her eyes seemed to go in and out of focus.

"Ze...ro...?" She whispered then cautiously reached towards me. "Zero... I... I need to-"

"Shhh Yuuki I know..." I hadn't even realized that I had dropped to my knees in front of this creature, fully willing to surrender my whole life if I had to.

Slender fingers gripped onto my shirt for dear life, pulling herself to the desired spot at the base of my neck. Her tongue snaked out and traced along my vein, my heart thudding loudly in my ears as I felt the pricks of her dainty fangs. I briefly wondered if this is what the human Yuuki had experienced the times when I had drank her blood. I shoved the thought to the back of my mind; tears were falling from Yuuki's eyes as she drank deeply.

"Shhh Yuuki... please don't cry..." I whispered. "I'm here. I'll always be right here." I closed my eyes, hand gently stroking the back of her head. She _knew_ who I was so maybe, just maybe, her sanity was still intact. It was a wonder that mine remained intact with all that had happened the last three days.

Ichiru had nearly died confronting Rido, the one who had manipulated the Hunters all those years ago to kill Shizuka's lover. He had offered what remained of his life to me; he begged me to live and kill Rido for him, to do what he was unable to. I had already been feeling Yuuki's pureblood power awaken within me, adding further confirmation to Kuran's words. I knew Ichiru's life would intensify the already rising power, it was wrong but at least this way, Ichiru and I will always be together; the way it was meant to be.

With Bloody Rose responding to the power that was flowing through me, I made short work of Rido only to face to face with Kuran. I had told myself that for Yuuki's sake I would destroy Rido and leave Kaname alone but the arrogant and self-satisfied look the pureblood wore made something snap within me. Before I had realized what I was doing, I had aimed and pulled the trigger; releasing an uncomprehensible number of beams from Bloody Rose. All of which were aimed straight for Kuran. Had he predicted I would shoot him, it is likely that he would have been able to avoid the attack but he hadn't; he had dropped his guard, the utter shock and disbelief that marred his features said as much.

I told myself that I wasn't going to go back to Yuuki, not after all that I had done. Over and over again I repeated the words in my head, _I'm not going back, _but each time I stopped paying attention to where I was going...I would start making my way back to the Society's headquarters... and consequetially back to Yuuki.

Yuuki pulled back from my neck, the wound closing almost instantly; her eyes met mine and the sadness that filled them with tears spilled over making for a unsettling yet beautiful sight as tears fell from her crimson eyes. "Yuuki..." I reached out my hand to where she kneeled on the floor in front of me; she flinched when my fingers brushed against the curve of her jaw and she dropped her eyes to focus on her hands that were clapsed in her lap.

"Have you come to kill me too?" Her words were no more than a whisper but the weight they carried seemed to fill the room. I could tell that she knew Kaname was dead; as much as she had been frightened of him, he had still been her brother and she had loved him once.

"And if I have?" I felt her stiffen as the pressure in the room increased. I knew I should't have said those words but I couldn't seem to stop them as they spilled from my lips. Maybe I had lost some of my sanity; I reached for Bloody Rose, easily pulling it from its holster, cocking it, and turning it around so that its barrel was aimed at my heart. "Go ahead Yuuki. Punish me for my sins." A shaky hand reached out, grasping the grip tightly. "Hold the gun with both hands and aim straight. Aim for the center." She lifted her head and followed the instructions I gave her; anger flaring in her eyes, burning crimson.

"It's not a crime to kill a vampire."

**Thank you to those who have been reading and a special thanks to those that have followed. You guys are my motivation. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, don't forget to review! **

**Love ya!**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Grip on Reality

Yuuki

_Its not a sin to kill a vampire. _

Those words echoed throughout my head but I cannot seem to recall the one who said that to me. Was it the man that now sat submissively in front of me? _Who is he?_ _Who am I? _Images flashed through my mind but none held the answers I sought. This I knew, the man in front of me did something horrible to me; killed the one I hold dear and was now demanding that I punish him for his sins. _Who do I hold dear? _The thoughts and emotions that pranced about within me seemed to coexist without correlation. Is it my duty to deliver such a punishment? The weight of the cold steel in my hands would make it seem as if it was my duty. Somewhere in the back of my mind I recognized the beautiful weapon for the briefest of seconds. A pistol attached to a chain. _But what was it connected to? _

The man sat in front of me; a look of serene peace set upon his face. I found myself taking in the sight of this man, his unusual silver hair that fell messily around his face, the sharpness of his jaw and cheekbones, the way his eyelashes rested against said cheekbones. But what amazed me most was the slight smile that played at the corner of his lips. I felt as if I knew that smile from somewhere but for the life of me, I couldn't place it. How is he smiling when he knows that he is at my mercy? But did I want to kill this man? I am sure that I once did. _Such a grave sin must be paid for in blood. _

_Its not a sin to kill a vampire. _

Is this man a vampire? Am I a vampire? Surely I must be; the taste that lingers on my tongue is of blood. _Who's Blood?_ Was it his? The scent in the room was strong and if there was anyone else around I would think it to be theirs but certianly it is his. So yes, I must be a vampire. _Was I always a vampire?_ I wasn't sure.

_It is not a sin to kill a vampire._

My eyes once again moved to the pistol in my grasp, its weight beckoned me, urging me to wield it. I lifted the beautiful weapon and aimed it at the handsome man in front of me.

_It is not a sin to kill a vampire._

My fingers rested on the trigger, my hands shaking from the sheer weight of the pistol._ Aim for the center._ I held this beautifully cold weapon firmly, aiming for the center of his chest, the center of his being. And I pulled the trigger.

_It is not a sin to kill a vampire._

I'm hopeless. Please review guys. ^,..,^


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: No Escape**

**Yuuki**

My ears rang from the sound of a gunshot echoing off the bleak stone walls. The room was bathed in the overwhelmingly sweet scent of blood. My eyes settled on the unmoving form of a male in front of me, blood pouring from his chest and out of his back where the bullet exited. I looked from the man in front of me to the heavy weight that was still clasped in my dainty hands, the smoking gun shining bright.

_It's not a sin to kill a vampire._

"Bloody Rose" I whispered aloud as I read the side of the gun, _why would someone name a gun that?_ I wondered if maybe it was because the blood scattered like fallen rose petals.

_Bloody Rose!_

I stared down at the gun in my hand in utter shock. _This is Zero's gun!_ My heartbeat quickened and nausea bubbled up my throat as reality came crashing down like a ton of bricks. Bloody Rose slid from my grasp and rested on the ground next to a lifeless hand in the pool of blood.

I was terrified...so terrified to look at the face of the one that lay before me but I knew I had to even though I would know the shape of those hands regardless of how much time I had gone without seeing them. I lifted my eyes slowly, tears flowing the second I caught sight of the messy silver hair.

_What have I done..._

I leaned over his lifeless form; his features peaceful and free of pain. "Oh Zero no!" His features blurred as more tears fell. In a desperate attempt to save him I brought my wrist to my mouth and bit down; pulling as much blood into my mouth as I could and pushed my mouth to his, my blood sliding down his throat easily.

I waited.

_Please Zero..._

And I waited.

_Please..._

No sound beat from his chest, No color returned to his face, the wound still bled, and never once did his chest rise with a labored breath. He was gone and not even my pureblood powers could bring him back. Zero is gone and I killed him.

_I'm alone..._

Kaname is dead too.

_I killed him..._

I killed Zero...my chest ached with an unimaginable pain so excruciating that words cannot describe. I had sank myself into hell and there was no escape for me.

_Please...Zero... I love you..._

My eyes fell on the shiny steel that starkly contrasted with the dull crimson of blood that covered the floor around us. I reached out with a shaky hand and gingerly picked Bloody Rose up as if it might bite me. The left side was completly stained with blood which seemed rather fitting.

_There's no escape._

"I'm so sorry Zero..." I whispered to no one. "I'm so... so sorry..."

_Soon... I will be with Zero..._

I lifted Bloody Rose to my right temple and closed my eyes.

"It is not a sin to kill a vampire." I whispered weakly and pulled the trigger.

_**A/N: I'm horrible... But seriously please never, ever, EVER, take your own life. You may feel like there's no escape and that you're at the very pits of the Underworld but suicide is never the answer. You are improtant. You are amazing. You are needed in this world. **_

_**So I hope you enjoyed or hated or whatever makes you feel all fuzzy inside. Please don't forget to review! ^,..,^**_


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